to be a lover

I have always been a huge lover of love. Ever since disney movies maybe, ha. Or maybe it was always watching Barney and singing along to that “i love you you love me” song, who knows. Seeing love in movies and reading about them in my free time was a sure hobby of mine.. and of course listening to all the cheesy love songs like some Vanessa Carlton [LOL]. My first real dive at love was my freshman year of high school. Boy, was that a mess. Clearly, at that age being so romantically in love with love was not something I was able to share with the boys at my school. I even romanticized the breakups and hurt that goes along with giving away your heart to someone. Time and time again, I fell in love with the idea of these boys and the love I thought they could give me. Or perhaps a part of me did love them, that has to be true doesn’t it? But a different kind of love and i wonder sometimes if every time we give our hearts away to someone if a little piece stays with them. Or maybe a piece of them stays with us. Can you see the hopeless romantic in me already?

After a dark couple of years [that I am not yet ready to share] I came to a turning point in my life. I gave myself up to Jesus. I realized I was seeking love after all the wrong things. And who better to love than one who loves us unconditionally, who gave us the power of love? I started going to El- Shaddai in Houston and focused all my love on God, family, and friends.

Maybe 6 months after that I met Hayden. And the rest.. is history ;)

You all already know I can go on about Hayden, but I will keep it simple for now.

Our love is silly and playful. Our love is sacred, remaining only in our world it feels like a secret magic place whenever it’s just us two. It was an unplanned love, one that neither was expecting.. but i think thats what makes it greater. We weren’t looking we just fell into each other. Sometimes when people ask me our story i am hesitant to let them in our world.. although its silly and i know no one else could really ever enter our world but it’s something that words can not explain and even when I do try to put it into words it some how feels trivial and not at all as true as it is. Maybe i just need to work on my words… ha. He is my very best friend. A best friend like i’ve never had before. He is my lover. He is my supporter. He is my motivator. He is my manly man. He is my partner in crime. I’ve never laughed with anyone like i’ve laughed with him. And when i sit down and think about it.. i don’t think anyone has ever made me as happy as him. Not even close. He loves to make me laugh and i love that about him. I also don’t think i’ve ever felt a love from someone else like his. What i mean by that is, i’ve never truly felt what it felt like to have someone really fall in love with you.. to look at you and see in their eyes nothing but love for you. You get me?

“It’s one thing to fall in love. It’s another to feel someone else fall in love with you, and to feel a responsibility toward that love.” -David Levithan

And i think thats the most romantic part of it all.