Lately

Lately – Memoryhouse

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Film- Aphex twin

I was looking through my photo stream on flickr today and watched the first stop motion video i’ve ever made. I’m so glad i made that video. It is one of the biggest decisions and changes thus far and i got to capture it. Although it does make me sad to look at because, maybe, this whole time i’ve been afraid to truly grow up. So much has changed so fast. Or was it fast? Sometimes i look so much into the right now that i forget about the past or the future. This can be both good and bad. But i think somewhere deep inside of me i am just as sad as i am excited to grow up. I am scared to grow up sometimes because i know that means letting go of some. Things will change. People will grow and i want to keep us all as we are right now, forever. In my pocket. And i am also grieving of my innocence. Is there such a thing? I am officially saying goodbye to the little me, the rebel teen angst teenager, i am saying goodbye to the briana that knew very little about life outside of my home. I am saying goodbye to the young innocent spirit of briana. Of course we will always have a portion of it but we can never get our true innocence back so it is goodbye. Because i can feel myself changing, shaping, growing, maturing into the new briana. Sometimes i wake up and think when did this happen?! Last i remember i was a senior in high school.

But i am also rejoicing the new to come.  The adventure of it all. What will become of my life. I want to run free with the wind and take in alllllll the sun, all the goodness of the earth, all the goodness of us. Of life. I want to absorb life. Everything it has to offer me. The good and bad. I will take it. I want to see how far life will take me. I want to laugh. and make memories. I want to experience and learn more. I want to travel and explore. I want art and music and love.

And that is all that makes me up as a whole.

I used to want to a famous this and a famous that. I used to want the world to know me. And now i want to know the world. I simply want to be. And do all the things i love. With all the people i love. I want to share wine, food, and laughter with close friends & family. I want to create art because it is meant to be created. Not because i can get famous from it or get money from it. If it comes with it, so be it. But i want to create because i love to create. I want to share. To teach. To help. and vice versa.

and,

“When i stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that i would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.” – Erma Bombeck