La vie en rose

I am always a tourist. Everywhere i go, no matter if i live here i am still a tourist. I will always take pictures everyday, discovering something new that inspires me or that is of my liking. I am constantly amazed by my surroundings no matter where i go, or stay.  Even if i have just been in my room all day there is something that makes me feel the NEED to take a picture. The light, reflection, glow, color, it could be anything. It is the same when i go out for a walk. This thought came to me the other night on my walk to the grocery store when i saw the beautiful sight ahead of me and had to snap a photo on my iPhone. I thought to myself, i look like a tourist. Then i realized i am a tourist wherever i go or stay here on Earth.  And nothing makes me happier than being able to be a tourist here and explore everything God has made and has offered us to enjoy on earth. I say tourist because my home is in Heaven.

Lets back track for a second though

The past couple of weeks there has been burning thoughts in my mind that i tried to push away (not sure why) I know i had been slipping further away from God but just didn’t want to think about it too much because i know it was my fault after all. But things got harder over the weeks and the thoughts kept resurfacing. I had been studying for the Real Estate Exam like crazy because this was the third time i was taking it and wanted to pass it for goodness sake!! I was fed up with studying. I passed the state portion. That meant i had to go back and pay, again, to retake the general portion.  I told the news to Hayden and my family and they were thrilled and proud of me. I on the other hand was not. I was angry and disappointed, frustrated and upset. I thought WHY GOD? Why couldn’t you pull through on your end?? I broke down that day to Hayden. And sobbed for like an hour or so. The tears kept coming and i finally let out all my stress, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, struggle, everything. I was tired, couldn’t he see i was trying my hardest?! I was ready to give up. I was done and at this point didn’t even want my license. Hayden calmed me down and gave me that boost i needed to call the next day and sign up for the test again. Only this time Hayden said take it tomorrow. You’re gonna pass. Tomorrow?! I wasn’t ready!! But i took a leap of faith and did it. Went in there, with a 2 day migraine and all and took the test. I was as confident as i could be in the testing room. Once i checked over the test again and again, and a third time I said a prayer to God. I did what i could and i left the rest up to Him. I walked out and the administrator gave me the good news, i passed my exam. FINALLY!!! after a summer long of studying. I was in shock and could only think, “THANK YOU GOD” because he pulled through after all :) He is always strongest at our weakest.

A few days later i was talking to someone i know and a thought just slapped me in the face. It was a perfect example of who i didn’t want to be. I did not want to be like this person. In fact, i wanted to be the complete opposite. And perhaps it was not one person but many people that were showing a reflection of myself… a reflection i wanted to change. And i seriously hoped that no one saw me in that light that i saw. Because i only want to be seen in Jesus’s light. That is what i realized. I was sick of it always being about me or them or this and that. I want it to be about Jesus. Coincidentally i picked up a book from Hayden that day, “The Purpose Driven Life” By Rick Warren.  It was exactly the kind of book i needed to read.

Everyone always talks about “i don’t know what i want to do with my life” or ” i want to do this and that with my life” , all for their own fulfillment or enjoyment or satisfaction or whatever! But it isn’t about me, or you, or us. Its about God. And what HE wants for us. I got tired of asking myself and starting asking God. “You didn’t create yourself, so there is no way you can tell yourself what you were created for!” Isn’t that the truth! How could we POSSIBLY know unless it is God who tells us???!!! “You were made by God and for God- and until you understand that, life will never make sense.”

So many people i know, and even me, are constantly trying to do everything ourselves, trying to do it our way and wont listen to anything else. But have you noticed that you haven’t got very far? Or maybe something is just a little off, we need to step out of the way in order for God to work. “The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us.” – A.W Tozer

“We aren’t God and never will be. We are humans. It is when we try to be God that we end up most like Satan, who desired the same thing.” Wow. So so true. This isn’t a competition, let go of your ego.. let go of yourself!! “Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul.” It is God who made us, so give in to Him! And what a beautiful beautiful thing to give in to.

I digress though, i do not know yet what God has me here on earth for, but i do delight in his gifts He has given me. In the heart He has given me. I do not know if i was meant to be a photographer, perhaps i am, but i photograph to show Gods beauty that is all around us that sometimes we miss otherwise. I am here to photograph the trials that all of us face here on earth. But im here to photograph the beauty, Gods beauty, in everything. And im just now realizing that. “He gave you eyes to enjoy beauty, ears to enjoy sounds, your nose and taste buds to enjoy smells and tastes, and the nerves under your skin to enjoy touch.”

And finally, going back to what i first started this post about. Being a tourist on earth. Most times, often times, we forget that life is just temporary and our home is in eternity. And this is a big revelation for me that i just hit. I was so attached to life. “But theres so much i want to do in life!! so much i want to accomplish” I used to never think about death because i never wanted my time to be up here on earth. But that was before i knew Jesus. and the truth. Now i understand that i am visiting this beautiful place, i am just passing thorough. And i am understanding now more than ever not to be attached to life. In the Bible David once prayed, “Lord, help me to realize how brief my time on earth will be. Help me to know that i am here for but a moment more.” And i pray the same.

“The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”

Earth and our life here is not the end of the story.

I realized recently that there is nothing i want more than to follow God and Jesus. Theres nothing i want more than His love. Theres nothing i want more than  what God wants for me. I want nothing more than to find my God given purpose. And i know he will show me as i walk this path with him. If that means that people disagree with my views, beliefs, or wants then so be it. If that means i lose friends but gain God as a greater friend then i would gladly sacrifice that. I am humbly yours, take me where you want me to be God. Finally,I realized that i want to be know as a follower of Jesus. Nothing more, nothing less. Let them see you through me.

“Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you.” James 4:8 (NLT)