This one is for you my sweet.
I have been trying to figure out how to start this off, i’ve never been good with introductions or beginnings. But i suppose i will just dive right in. This morning i woke up crying, as you know, from a terrible dream i had of you dying. It was so real and it was the most heartbreaking pain i’ve ever felt in a dream and as i awoke. I do not have these types of dreams often, i’ve only ever had one other one of someone dying. I wont go into detail about the dream but i will say that when it hit me that you were dead (we were in our late 20s in the dream) my world came crashing down. Literally the world around me was spinning and i had never felt a greater ache in my heart than knowing (we’re talking about the dream here) you were no longer with me. I freaked, and thought what was i going to do without you? What was i going to do in Boston without you? (dream was in boston) And then the funny thing was all the little things you do for me and have taught me came spilling into my mind making my heart ache more. Like you helping me with how to understand pricing on things or sales or the little things you say to me that lift me up when i need it. The sweet smile you give me that makes me know no one has ever loved me like you do. The way you protect and care for me and all these things came rising up in my head and my heart ached like there was a bad tornado inside of me. And then i woke up crying and saw you sitting on the couch and i was so relieved but still shocked at my dream. And you came rushing to my side to make sure i was okay.
This has been the best year of my life to put it simply. Where does the time go?! i feel like it was just yesterday we went on our first date. You have taught me so much in just one year. Not only about money, and how to manage it, not only about apartments and the ins and outs of them, not only about music and drums, not only about all the other stuff you geek out on ;) but you have taught me so much about myself. And about you. And how although we have both been in relationships before this one is brand new and nothing to compare to. From the day we went on our first date you have been the nicest, sweetest, most loving man i have ever known . You have nothing but love in your heart my lil cutie. You are a beautiful intriguing artist with so much passion but you are also a little genius and the smartest business man all at the tender age of 20. You have out of this world ideas daily that i know you are going to do something amazing with your life and for the world. I am so very proud of you my cutie. You have accomplished and learned so much from the short year that i’ve been with you. You amaze me. You dream everyday and i will thank you forever for teaching me how to dream. You have opened my eyes to so many open doors that were in front of me. We are so similar in our paths and i can’t help to think that God really got this one right ;) Pairing us up and what not. You inspire me and motivate me everyday to not only do what i need to do in order to get ahead but to also do what i love to do, and fuck the rest. We are a perfect balance always keeping each other even if one is off balance. You know me like no one else knows me. You know all the weirdest quirkiest sides of me. You know every side to me. You are the only person who really gets me . You are the only person who can make me laugh for hours. You’re so goofy. And i love that you love to make me laugh. I recognize that you will go out of your way just to hear me laugh and that makes my heart melt. I have never had anyone who holds my heart in their hands with such gentleness and ease, you guard it with yours and i thank you for that. You come with me for all my adventures and you deal with my daily morning routine of getting ready… haha! You have been gracefully at ease with opening your arms to my very large extended family haha and that means so much to me. You know how to handle me, and you know more than anyone that i am a lot to handle. (well my parents kind of have an idea haha) You speak to me truthfully and honestly. We have our tiffs but we jump right back together because we realize that we are on the same team. Not on different teams. If we have an issue it is the issue vs us (and we always overcome) not me vs you vs the issue, naw mean? We are mirrors to each other. You let me see when i am being nasty and how i don’t like it and vice versa. You have taught me a great deal about myself yung Hayden. Who would’ve known? You are truly a work of art, and unlike ANYBODY i have ever met in my whole entire life. Sounds extreme haha but it is true. There is no one like you. Your mind and your heart and your soul is all yours and it is amazing to see it everyday glowing and growing and seeing it work. God created something truly unique with you. And sometimes i don’t think you even know how truly amazing you are. I cherish all of our moments together. You are my very best friend. My one best friend that i know will never leave my side. That will always be on my team, and never stab my back. You are one of the very few people i know who truly just want the best for me and for me to succeed. You don’t care about all the stupid stuff everyone else cares about and i am so thankful for you!!!!! Haha truly words will never be able to express that i am just genuinely thankful that God has placed you in my life. You are my rock, my back, my support system, my love!, my handsome, my sweet, my cutie. But most of all you are my yung Hayden. Everyday is a new day with you and everyday is better than the last day. And everyday i fall more and more in love with you. And everyday i realize just how blessed i am to have you and not some scumbag. To have someone who truly loves me. I cant explain it just yet but it is a new experience and it makes me understand that this is real. Ah i gush with happiness when i just think about me and you. This isn’t as detailed as i would like but i would need to write for years to show how much i love you(in detail) but I guess the point of tying in the dream part of this with all of this is that i realized this morning that you are the perfect fit for my soul and i couldn’t ask for anyone better for me. I, We, are so lucky to have found each other. Words can not BEGIN to express how EXCITED i am for the future adventures, and laughs, and memories that we will share. What a perfect start this year has been.
I love you with all my heart and being Hayden
Happy 1 year